Archive for the ‘Secrets’ Category

Regretables ’09

October 8, 2009

The year is waning, which means it is time to confront my regrets of ’09 and hope to jeezus that I don’t have anymore before the end of the oo’s and the beginning of the 20teens.

Here they are, or as many as I can remember- and for those of you who say you have no regrets, you lie:

Work:
-Working for Garden City Group.
-Working for Safeway.
-Working for Beecher’s Handmade Cheese.
-Taking that job with the Switch program that never actually was a real job, and thus, losing my job at Beecher’s.
-Making out with various cheese maker’s who also worked at Beecher’s.

Boys:
-Making out with various cheese maker’s who also worked at Beecher’s.
-Developing unrealistic expectations for males in their 20’s.
-Letting Joe watch movies with Mallory and I late at night in my room when he smelled like smoke, subsequently making my whole room smell like smoke.
-Making the Molly Ringwald disgusted face from Sixteen Candles whenever a cute boy would approach me.
-Not asking enough questions when the timing was appropriate.

Cats:
-Not getting one.

Troublemaking:
-Cutting off that police officer and then getting pulled over. However, I do NOT regret not getting a ticket.
-General plotting/scheming.
-Acquiring additional parking tickets.
-Knocking over the tip jar at Cupcake Royal after Moe Bar happy hour.
Not sending that “card” to my arch nemesis. (Which I still may have regretted if I would have followed through with it).

Money:
-Not picking up that $100 bill off of the ground before Mallory’s friend snatched it up.
-Spending cash on frivolities like lattes instead of drip coffee.
-Over drawing my bank account multiple times. Some on purpose.
-Letting my student loans lapse.
-Paying to watch a movie at Pacific place when I should have just used my free ticket.
-Not tipping as much/often as I should.

Technology:
-Spilling coffee on my computer.
-Using technology to inappropriately, well, let’s call a rose a rose, “stalk” people via facebook, twitter, myspace, and what have you. You do it too!
-Watching too many movies in bed.
-Sporcle-ing… a lot.
-Texting people when/who I shouldn’t have been texting.
-Giving in to twitter.
-Using Craig’s List to try and find roommates, jobs, furniture, well, anything actually.

Fashion:
-Plaid overkill.
-Wearing through too many pairs of leggings.
-Wearing through my red belt.
-Breaking my black heals.
-Buying that white dress that I never wore.
-That shiny dress that matched Mallory’s that we wore to karaoke one time.
-Wearing through my cream colored cardigan.
-Sometimes not changing my clothes for a day or so.

Et cetera:
-Spending the holidays alone due to poor weather.
-Not visiting my mom more when she lived closer.
-Losing at Settler’s of Catan on numerous occasions.
-Eating expired food.
-Barfing.

My Addictions: A Detailed Description

September 30, 2009

I know there are steps to recovery, but I am just going to do this however I want, and that’s okay, because I know you will all support me in my recovery process. So this is my first step: admitting to my addictions. Mom, dad, family, and friends, I know it may hurt you to hear this, but it’s time I come clean.

Addiction List:

#1: Coke: Well, Diet, actually. Call it what you will, Diet Coke, DC, Lady Coke, Street Smack, it doesn’t change what it is: liquid legal heroin. I’ve been on it for, well, almost a year now. I started this habit when working at Beecher’s Handmade Cheese Co. I’d buy a can on my 10 minute break from across the way for only 50 cents! It spiraled and peaked near the middle of summer, when the Jing and I bought 6 24 packs because they were on sale buy three get three free, but I am happy to report I have only had one D.C. in the past week. Mostly because I am broke.

#2: Staying up past 4 am: Maybe it’s all of the Coke (diet). All I’ll say is that this is my witching hour, so let me do whatever it is I do during this time while you are getting your beauty rest in. Plus, at 4 am, I can rest assured that I am not going to miss any of your text messages or calls- in other words, you should feel honored that I would stay up so late for you! So that I won’t miss talking or texting you!

#3: Breakfast Burritos: The genius behind this food is that it can be eaten, oh, say, ANYTIME. Name me an hour when this meal is not appropriate. Go on… go ahead, name a time… What’s that you say, 4 am? Not true, just ate one an hour ago I made and consumed one while all of you were soundly asleep, and that is a fact. Was it dinner? Breakfast? Kind of both. Yah know, few foods can transition from the dinner hour to the breakfast hour with such ease.

#4: Memorizing the Presidents: For the past three days I have taken it upon myself to be able to list the presidents (thanks must be paid to sporcle.com for the availability of their quiz on U.S. Presidents), in exact order, both backwards and forwards. So far I can do it forwards in just under 2 minutes and backwards in just over. What’s that you say, who came before and after Harrison? Why Cleveland… both times. OH..OH, and who came between Tyler and Taylor? Was it Pierce… NOPE, wrong P named prezzzz pal, it was Polk. POLK. AHAH! Take that 5 year old geniuses whose parents “claim” they know all of the Presidents of the youknightedstates of ‘merica, well so do I! Ha!

#5: Back to the Future: It is past 5:30 a.m. and I am watching this movie for… errrr… the fourth(?) time in the past 24(ish) hours. Whatev’s, right? I’m not saying this movie is my favorite, or even in my top 10 favorite movies, but let’s take a look at this movie and it’s greatness for one moment: It lays down sweet tracks from Huey Lewis and the News, it features teeny-tiny Michael J. Fox at his most adorable, it gave us phrases like “hello McFly (which, granted, I may be the only person who actually uses this phrase, but it could catch on)” and “make like a tree and get out of here”, it taught us about flux capacitors and it personally makes me hold out hope for a Delorean comeback. And lastly, this particular science-fiction-romantic-comedy-family flick predicted that we will have flying cars by 2015… which I believe could happen and am presently looking forward to flying one. And remember kiddos, you can change your present/future by changing your parents’ past, all you need is a nuclear powered time-machine courtesy plutonium from Libyan Nationalists.

#6: Black Coffee and a packet of Sugar in the Raw: Whether it is iced coffee with the packet of sugar in directly in the coffee, or if it is hot and I am licking sugar off of a spoon while drinking black tar, I can’t quit. Truth be told, my insides are killing me for this and I think it may also affect #2, but dammit, make my second cup a third. Mmmm. Good.

#7: Craig’s List Missed Connections and the Stranger’s I Saw U’s: I check these, especially MC’s, more than I check my email on average. Why? Well, who is to say I am always looking for myself? I will have you know, creepy though it may sound, I am also checking diligently to see if any of these spottings are not only for me, but also for you. So far, nothing has really stood out, except that one time that I found an I Saw U for John. But you have my word, as long as I remain an addict, I’ll keep checking… for you… for the children.

#8: The Central Library: Suit me up, I’m going in… at least once, NO, twice a week lately. Yes, I am aware that the Douglass Truth Library is closer and even the Capital Hill branch is more conveniently located and has more DVD selection and is very well organized, but I don’t really give a shit. I like the feeling of the Central Library. I love checking out music there, and I feel like a girl genius after exiting. Plus, it allows me to traverse to the down town area, which I feel as though I have yet to explore.

#9: Making lists: Which is kind of what this blog is about in the first place, but lately my lists have been primarily to-do lists occasionally broken up by the “might as well be dead to me” lists, “friend inventories” and “things that I probably shouldn’t think are funny, but do”…. you know, the type of lists that I can’t really post due to the hurting of feelings that may be blamed on me in future interactions with people I am still in contact with.

I think this list is the bulk of it. Sure, there are others- watching videos of baby animals on youtube while I listen to Coltrane, certain “crush” obsessions, wearing bandannas in my hair and putting my sheets in the dryer at night without even washing them just so that they will be warm and smell good as I drift off to sleep, but those things have already been leaked to the public, so I decided to skip noting them, but they definitely deserve some sort of honorable mention.

Confession Booth

May 26, 2009

Dear Father, forgive me for I have sinned… sort of.

1.) During the summer between the third and fourth grade I was outside my house in Nowhere, MT, USA.  As I was saying, it was summer and I was out in the yard riding my bike when I heard an indescribable crunch.  I drove back around to discover that I had ran over a small mouse.  It was still kind of twitching, still barely alive, so instead of leaving it or putting it out of its misery, I took it inside my house and let it “live” in the doll house my grandfather built.  Needless to say, it died later that day, but I didn’t want to move it, so it essentially rotted away in that doll house for about a week before I convinced my younger brother to get rid of it for me.  My mom still has that dollhouse and I managed not to get some sort of mouse flu.
2.) In the fourth grade, in Mrs. Laden’s class, we were assigned to create calendar pieces for the upcoming month.  The directions were simple and clear: color in the object, cut it out, and put your name on the back.  I turned my piece in and then took another (as there were more days in the month to be completed than there were students).  Instead of completing this second piece as assigned, I turned it in uncolored, not cut out, and with “anonymous” written on the back, only, I couldn’t spell so it read “annonimos” or something along those lines.  Mrs. Laden. was furious and threatened to punish the whole class if the author, who she hotly pointed out was a terrible speller, did not confess to their idea of a joke.  I, of course, did not confess and let this kid named Carl Tibbets take the fall for me.  For this he was punished and his privileges were taken away for the rest of the year.  I never bothered to correct the injustice.  Years  later I confessed to Carl that it was me but he had convinced himself otherwise and so I dropped the subject letting him believe his version of the events.
3.) I cried harder and for a longer period of time when my cat died than when my grandfather died.  He died when I was a senior in high school before Tripod- who died when I was in my senior year of college.  
4.) When I thought I was going to get fired at one of the retail locations that employed me, I decided to start giving every good-looking guy, elderly person, or friendly customer our employee discount on their purchases.  I wasn’t even allowed access to the code to issue an employee purchase “technically” but I knew it and, thus, used it liberally.  
5.) I submitted artwork for a t-shirt design once in middle school.  However, the artwork was not original, seeing as I traced over it using computer paper and a box lamp.  And even though I didn’t win, I was still a finalist.  In fact, two of “my works” were in the final 10. 
6.) Again, when I was a youngster, my family had several cats.  On occasion, one of our cats would have a litter of kittens.  I used to like to play this game with the baby kittens called “mama to the rescue” where I would remove one of the kitten s from the litter and hide it somewhere in the house and wait for the mama cat to come and find it.  I stopped playing that game after I hid one of the kittens on the book shelf and when the mama cat came to retrieve it, she dropped it on her way down.  Though the kitten was perfectly fine, I still felt really bad about it.
7.) It was the end of third grade and I decided to make a move on my year long crush.  I gave him a secret note at the end of school one day, as everyone was leaving their classrooms for the buses.  I told him it was a note from our teacher and not to open it until he got home.  He was with a group of friends and acted nonchalant and coy about the matter and began to open it, right there, in the presence of his friends and me.  It was at this point that I made a mad dash for the first open room I could find.  I hid in the boys bathroom (yes, the boys bathroom), as it was the closest thing, and I only had seconds to spare.  I heard him laughing, with his friends, in the distance.  I assume it was from the note’s contents.  That afternoon, I stayed in the bathroom sobbing for a good 30 minutes until I was sure the coast was clear, because now I had not only spilled my guts to, oh, about 6 people, but also trapped myself in the boys bathroom.  I also missed my bus.  Since then, and it is because of this reason, that I have yet to make the first move on a boy.  
8.) I once had a secret, well, we’ll call it “shrine” to a certain boy-bander in middle-school, though my friends and I all supposedly hated that type of music.  The shrine was in a shallow closet I had in my room, near my bed and was wall to wall, ceiling to floor covered with pictures from Tiger Beat types of magazines which I would also purchase in secret.  There may have also been some sort of candle in there… probably a tea-lite.  Incidentally, I also kept my science fair project in there, which were containers of moldy milk, arranged by date and how long they had been out of the refrigerator.