Archive for the ‘Presidents’ Category

My Addictions: A Detailed Description

September 30, 2009

I know there are steps to recovery, but I am just going to do this however I want, and that’s okay, because I know you will all support me in my recovery process. So this is my first step: admitting to my addictions. Mom, dad, family, and friends, I know it may hurt you to hear this, but it’s time I come clean.

Addiction List:

#1: Coke: Well, Diet, actually. Call it what you will, Diet Coke, DC, Lady Coke, Street Smack, it doesn’t change what it is: liquid legal heroin. I’ve been on it for, well, almost a year now. I started this habit when working at Beecher’s Handmade Cheese Co. I’d buy a can on my 10 minute break from across the way for only 50 cents! It spiraled and peaked near the middle of summer, when the Jing and I bought 6 24 packs because they were on sale buy three get three free, but I am happy to report I have only had one D.C. in the past week. Mostly because I am broke.

#2: Staying up past 4 am: Maybe it’s all of the Coke (diet). All I’ll say is that this is my witching hour, so let me do whatever it is I do during this time while you are getting your beauty rest in. Plus, at 4 am, I can rest assured that I am not going to miss any of your text messages or calls- in other words, you should feel honored that I would stay up so late for you! So that I won’t miss talking or texting you!

#3: Breakfast Burritos: The genius behind this food is that it can be eaten, oh, say, ANYTIME. Name me an hour when this meal is not appropriate. Go on… go ahead, name a time… What’s that you say, 4 am? Not true, just ate one an hour ago I made and consumed one while all of you were soundly asleep, and that is a fact. Was it dinner? Breakfast? Kind of both. Yah know, few foods can transition from the dinner hour to the breakfast hour with such ease.

#4: Memorizing the Presidents: For the past three days I have taken it upon myself to be able to list the presidents (thanks must be paid to sporcle.com for the availability of their quiz on U.S. Presidents), in exact order, both backwards and forwards. So far I can do it forwards in just under 2 minutes and backwards in just over. What’s that you say, who came before and after Harrison? Why Cleveland… both times. OH..OH, and who came between Tyler and Taylor? Was it Pierce… NOPE, wrong P named prezzzz pal, it was Polk. POLK. AHAH! Take that 5 year old geniuses whose parents “claim” they know all of the Presidents of the youknightedstates of ‘merica, well so do I! Ha!

#5: Back to the Future: It is past 5:30 a.m. and I am watching this movie for… errrr… the fourth(?) time in the past 24(ish) hours. Whatev’s, right? I’m not saying this movie is my favorite, or even in my top 10 favorite movies, but let’s take a look at this movie and it’s greatness for one moment: It lays down sweet tracks from Huey Lewis and the News, it features teeny-tiny Michael J. Fox at his most adorable, it gave us phrases like “hello McFly (which, granted, I may be the only person who actually uses this phrase, but it could catch on)” and “make like a tree and get out of here”, it taught us about flux capacitors and it personally makes me hold out hope for a Delorean comeback. And lastly, this particular science-fiction-romantic-comedy-family flick predicted that we will have flying cars by 2015… which I believe could happen and am presently looking forward to flying one. And remember kiddos, you can change your present/future by changing your parents’ past, all you need is a nuclear powered time-machine courtesy plutonium from Libyan Nationalists.

#6: Black Coffee and a packet of Sugar in the Raw: Whether it is iced coffee with the packet of sugar in directly in the coffee, or if it is hot and I am licking sugar off of a spoon while drinking black tar, I can’t quit. Truth be told, my insides are killing me for this and I think it may also affect #2, but dammit, make my second cup a third. Mmmm. Good.

#7: Craig’s List Missed Connections and the Stranger’s I Saw U’s: I check these, especially MC’s, more than I check my email on average. Why? Well, who is to say I am always looking for myself? I will have you know, creepy though it may sound, I am also checking diligently to see if any of these spottings are not only for me, but also for you. So far, nothing has really stood out, except that one time that I found an I Saw U for John. But you have my word, as long as I remain an addict, I’ll keep checking… for you… for the children.

#8: The Central Library: Suit me up, I’m going in… at least once, NO, twice a week lately. Yes, I am aware that the Douglass Truth Library is closer and even the Capital Hill branch is more conveniently located and has more DVD selection and is very well organized, but I don’t really give a shit. I like the feeling of the Central Library. I love checking out music there, and I feel like a girl genius after exiting. Plus, it allows me to traverse to the down town area, which I feel as though I have yet to explore.

#9: Making lists: Which is kind of what this blog is about in the first place, but lately my lists have been primarily to-do lists occasionally broken up by the “might as well be dead to me” lists, “friend inventories” and “things that I probably shouldn’t think are funny, but do”…. you know, the type of lists that I can’t really post due to the hurting of feelings that may be blamed on me in future interactions with people I am still in contact with.

I think this list is the bulk of it. Sure, there are others- watching videos of baby animals on youtube while I listen to Coltrane, certain “crush” obsessions, wearing bandannas in my hair and putting my sheets in the dryer at night without even washing them just so that they will be warm and smell good as I drift off to sleep, but those things have already been leaked to the public, so I decided to skip noting them, but they definitely deserve some sort of honorable mention.

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The Bachelor Game

May 7, 2009
So, as many of you may know (or should), James Buchanan was the only US President to have been a bachelor, not only his entire career, but also his entire life.
And for the record, I have been thinking about this for a long time.
So, let’s get to the point. A little bit about our Bachelor:
James Buchanan Jr. was born in a little town (weren’t they all back then) in Pennsylvania in a log cabin. Possibly one of the worst presidents the USA has ever had to offer because of the poor condition his country was in leading up to the famous Civil War of the United States, poor James found himself hated, and probably single because of it. Perhaps if he would have had a good woman to help him in this time of crisis, his yin to his yang, his ham to his rye, his Hillary to his Bill, things would have faired better for Mr. Buchanan. So let’s welcome the ladies shall we?

Contestant Number 1.)
Known for her work with civil rights and feminism, her ability to make friends with people who count and will some day change the world and face of politics, and her uncanny ability to know that her right side is indeed her best side for photographing/portraits/coins:

Susan B Anthony

Contestant Number 2.)
Born into a well connected family with bling-bling and status symbols, this young heart throb (and if you go into battle, you better make sure she is there to check yours) worked to pioneer the nursing field as well as to push her works into the field of mathematics. This “Lady with the Lamp” might just set your heart aflame:

Florence Nightingale

Contestant Number 3.)
Though a little scrawny and a bit reclusive, don’t let this self-proclaimed “Nobody” fool you. This spit fire poet enjoys sentimental conversations, Shakespeare and getting caught in the rain:

Emily Dickinson
Contestant Number 4.)
Who doesn’t like a woman of mystery? Little is known about this siren except that she lived during that 1950s in Ohio and was a hottie with style:

This Lady
So there you have it. I don’t know what Buchanan’s problem was, because the dating scene back in the day was prime for the picking.