Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Regretables ’09

October 8, 2009

The year is waning, which means it is time to confront my regrets of ’09 and hope to jeezus that I don’t have anymore before the end of the oo’s and the beginning of the 20teens.

Here they are, or as many as I can remember- and for those of you who say you have no regrets, you lie:

Work:
-Working for Garden City Group.
-Working for Safeway.
-Working for Beecher’s Handmade Cheese.
-Taking that job with the Switch program that never actually was a real job, and thus, losing my job at Beecher’s.
-Making out with various cheese maker’s who also worked at Beecher’s.

Boys:
-Making out with various cheese maker’s who also worked at Beecher’s.
-Developing unrealistic expectations for males in their 20’s.
-Letting Joe watch movies with Mallory and I late at night in my room when he smelled like smoke, subsequently making my whole room smell like smoke.
-Making the Molly Ringwald disgusted face from Sixteen Candles whenever a cute boy would approach me.
-Not asking enough questions when the timing was appropriate.

Cats:
-Not getting one.

Troublemaking:
-Cutting off that police officer and then getting pulled over. However, I do NOT regret not getting a ticket.
-General plotting/scheming.
-Acquiring additional parking tickets.
-Knocking over the tip jar at Cupcake Royal after Moe Bar happy hour.
Not sending that “card” to my arch nemesis. (Which I still may have regretted if I would have followed through with it).

Money:
-Not picking up that $100 bill off of the ground before Mallory’s friend snatched it up.
-Spending cash on frivolities like lattes instead of drip coffee.
-Over drawing my bank account multiple times. Some on purpose.
-Letting my student loans lapse.
-Paying to watch a movie at Pacific place when I should have just used my free ticket.
-Not tipping as much/often as I should.

Technology:
-Spilling coffee on my computer.
-Using technology to inappropriately, well, let’s call a rose a rose, “stalk” people via facebook, twitter, myspace, and what have you. You do it too!
-Watching too many movies in bed.
-Sporcle-ing… a lot.
-Texting people when/who I shouldn’t have been texting.
-Giving in to twitter.
-Using Craig’s List to try and find roommates, jobs, furniture, well, anything actually.

Fashion:
-Plaid overkill.
-Wearing through too many pairs of leggings.
-Wearing through my red belt.
-Breaking my black heals.
-Buying that white dress that I never wore.
-That shiny dress that matched Mallory’s that we wore to karaoke one time.
-Wearing through my cream colored cardigan.
-Sometimes not changing my clothes for a day or so.

Et cetera:
-Spending the holidays alone due to poor weather.
-Not visiting my mom more when she lived closer.
-Losing at Settler’s of Catan on numerous occasions.
-Eating expired food.
-Barfing.

Dear Mom

August 6, 2009

Dear Mom,

This is not a letter confessing how much I love, miss, and need you- true as it may be- but rather a letter to re-emphasise my plea that you make and mail me something delicious. I did my research and Googled different things all with the predecessor “delicious” in the search box (i.e. “delicious food item”). I tried to find images that looked delicious, but that you would still be capable and willing to make. And, per our conversation on the phone, I know you have time to make said item(s) because you confessed you are bored a lot and spend a lot of time on http://www.facebook.com. I request 1-3 of these items on this list.

Love,
Your Golden Child
Heart Heart
Whitney

Item 1: Delicious Cherry Pie
As this was the original item I requested (and I must mention, these items are not necessarily in order… but yet again, somewhat are), I felt it necessary to reinstate my desire for it.

Item 2: Delicious Banana Bread
Not only does it nourish me with its 100% real banana fruit and satisfy my insatiable hunger for something sweet other than the coconut flakes we have in our cupboard, it also could provide your loving daughter with several breakfasts. Plus, I know you have bananas, you said so yourself. And, for the record and not just because I am trying to score some baked goods out of the deal, I think you make the best banana bread in the world!

Item 3: Delicious Cookies (these pictured are chocolate candy/chip types! There is also a peanutbutter variety pictured… if you make that one, could you also add some chocolate bits?)
This was actually the second thing I originally asked for, as I thought it might provide a good activity for you and the grandkids, while feeding me at the same time. Added bonus: cookies travel well in the mail, and I am sure they would ship 500 miles and they would ship 500 more just to be the snack to get dropped at my door. (and yes, I was singing that last line to the song about walking 1000 miles blah blah blahblahblah).

Item 4: Delicious Chocolate Cake
Remember how I used to hate chocolate, in particular, chocolate cake? Well not anymore mama! I want chocolate on chocolate, and please, nothing “butter-cream” based. I want the good stuff. Coco based only! Box if you must, but be gentle with the frosting. It is the most important part. I kind of want the cake to look like the cake that is served to that boy on Matilda… only, not as much. Heck, you can keep the majority of the cake and just send me a slice.

Item 5: Delicious Brownies
This is probably the easiest thing on the whole damn list, as it only takes (and I am pretty sure, though I don’t have a box in front of me) 2 tbs oil and an egg at, like, oh say 350 for 30-40 minutes depending on the pan depths and measurements and material from wince it came. You can take all sorts of http://www.facebook.com quizes while you wait on that. Then, and this is my one special request for the brownies, sprinkle some powdered sugar on top, wouldja? Just as the picture shows.

Item 6: Delicious Christmas Cookies
I am probably the only person who craves off-season hard crumbly Christmas cookies covered with equally hard frosting and, if at all possible, those little silver edible beads that are now illegal in some states. I lub them. Oh, and PS, I only want these cookies in the following shapes: Christmas Trees and Reindeer.

Item 7: Delicious Casserole
You used to make Tuna Noodle Casserole®­ all the time. I know it wont travel well, and I know I don’t eat meat or fish of any sort, so there is a lot going against this casserole being sent. You would have to make it with cream of celery, because I hate cream of mushroom, and probably chickpeas for tuna and lots of extra crackers. I just want it. I guess I will make it myself. That is why I listed it as number five. Silly pipe dream, that’s all.

Might I remind you, the majority of this lust for dessert comes from the fact that I can’t spend money on sweets right now, as I have other financial ventures to tend to first. I just felt as though that needed to be thrown haphazardly out there… just as a disclaimer.

Thanks Mom in advance!
LOVE YOU!

Confession Booth

May 26, 2009

Dear Father, forgive me for I have sinned… sort of.

1.) During the summer between the third and fourth grade I was outside my house in Nowhere, MT, USA.  As I was saying, it was summer and I was out in the yard riding my bike when I heard an indescribable crunch.  I drove back around to discover that I had ran over a small mouse.  It was still kind of twitching, still barely alive, so instead of leaving it or putting it out of its misery, I took it inside my house and let it “live” in the doll house my grandfather built.  Needless to say, it died later that day, but I didn’t want to move it, so it essentially rotted away in that doll house for about a week before I convinced my younger brother to get rid of it for me.  My mom still has that dollhouse and I managed not to get some sort of mouse flu.
2.) In the fourth grade, in Mrs. Laden’s class, we were assigned to create calendar pieces for the upcoming month.  The directions were simple and clear: color in the object, cut it out, and put your name on the back.  I turned my piece in and then took another (as there were more days in the month to be completed than there were students).  Instead of completing this second piece as assigned, I turned it in uncolored, not cut out, and with “anonymous” written on the back, only, I couldn’t spell so it read “annonimos” or something along those lines.  Mrs. Laden. was furious and threatened to punish the whole class if the author, who she hotly pointed out was a terrible speller, did not confess to their idea of a joke.  I, of course, did not confess and let this kid named Carl Tibbets take the fall for me.  For this he was punished and his privileges were taken away for the rest of the year.  I never bothered to correct the injustice.  Years  later I confessed to Carl that it was me but he had convinced himself otherwise and so I dropped the subject letting him believe his version of the events.
3.) I cried harder and for a longer period of time when my cat died than when my grandfather died.  He died when I was a senior in high school before Tripod- who died when I was in my senior year of college.  
4.) When I thought I was going to get fired at one of the retail locations that employed me, I decided to start giving every good-looking guy, elderly person, or friendly customer our employee discount on their purchases.  I wasn’t even allowed access to the code to issue an employee purchase “technically” but I knew it and, thus, used it liberally.  
5.) I submitted artwork for a t-shirt design once in middle school.  However, the artwork was not original, seeing as I traced over it using computer paper and a box lamp.  And even though I didn’t win, I was still a finalist.  In fact, two of “my works” were in the final 10. 
6.) Again, when I was a youngster, my family had several cats.  On occasion, one of our cats would have a litter of kittens.  I used to like to play this game with the baby kittens called “mama to the rescue” where I would remove one of the kitten s from the litter and hide it somewhere in the house and wait for the mama cat to come and find it.  I stopped playing that game after I hid one of the kittens on the book shelf and when the mama cat came to retrieve it, she dropped it on her way down.  Though the kitten was perfectly fine, I still felt really bad about it.
7.) It was the end of third grade and I decided to make a move on my year long crush.  I gave him a secret note at the end of school one day, as everyone was leaving their classrooms for the buses.  I told him it was a note from our teacher and not to open it until he got home.  He was with a group of friends and acted nonchalant and coy about the matter and began to open it, right there, in the presence of his friends and me.  It was at this point that I made a mad dash for the first open room I could find.  I hid in the boys bathroom (yes, the boys bathroom), as it was the closest thing, and I only had seconds to spare.  I heard him laughing, with his friends, in the distance.  I assume it was from the note’s contents.  That afternoon, I stayed in the bathroom sobbing for a good 30 minutes until I was sure the coast was clear, because now I had not only spilled my guts to, oh, about 6 people, but also trapped myself in the boys bathroom.  I also missed my bus.  Since then, and it is because of this reason, that I have yet to make the first move on a boy.  
8.) I once had a secret, well, we’ll call it “shrine” to a certain boy-bander in middle-school, though my friends and I all supposedly hated that type of music.  The shrine was in a shallow closet I had in my room, near my bed and was wall to wall, ceiling to floor covered with pictures from Tiger Beat types of magazines which I would also purchase in secret.  There may have also been some sort of candle in there… probably a tea-lite.  Incidentally, I also kept my science fair project in there, which were containers of moldy milk, arranged by date and how long they had been out of the refrigerator.  

Mothers Day 09

May 8, 2009

This one is dedicated to my mother- because I didn’t get you a Mother’s Day gift this year.  Sorry for the, er, belatsion (and yes, I just created that word.)  

This is a little special glimpse into my family life, which may be a rare opportunity, so cease this moment, cuddle up with your loved one, and get to know a little bit about a woman I call mom.  
And so, to celebrate my mother, I have compiled a list of my all time favorite moments… some may call them precious moments, in which she was livid, and I mean really angry.  Fond memories ma:  
1.) When I didn’t clean my room- Only once did the threats of throwing all of my shit away if I didn’t clean up my room ever come into fruition.  I refused to pick-up my room for two or so weeks in the fourth grade and one night my mother went into my room with a big black garbage bag.  The bag from the kitchen.  The bag with garbage water and banana peels and leftover sloppy joes in it.  I only rescued a few things on the top.  Even back then I wouldn’t go dumpster diving, not even for my own things.  If you ask my current roommates, I am sure they would say that I still haven’t learned my lesson.
2.) When my I learned to drive- When I was first learning to drive, my mother instructed me to pull into the gas station so she could buy cigarettes.  I overshot my right turn, drove the van up and onto the sidewalk, into a bunch of bushes and ruined her oil pan.  No pedestrians were harmed in the process.
3.) When the cat came back- Kali Nanna, our calico cat, had a batch of kittens: Milo, Honey, Jean, and Oreo Elvis Presley.  One day, with out informing my younger brother and me, she took the kittens down to the Co-Op gas station near our house, as it was there that they had a cage for “free” kittens (usually given away to farmers and ranchers to become field cats).  Michael and I came home from school, discovered this, and raced, our little hearts pounding, down to rescue these kittens.  We only managed to rescue Honey and Jean, Milo and O.E.P. had already been adopted.  I don’t know which she was more angry at, my brother and me for bringing back two kittens she really didn’t want, or the gas station for letting two kids freely take animals with out question.  Oddly enough she let us keep Honey and Jean after their rescue.  We never questioned this decision.  
4.) When my younger brother learned to drive
My brother learned to drive at a much younger age than I…. when he was 5.  My mom picked me up from a friends house and left my brother in the car.  Somehow, he managed to put the car in drive, drive through my friend’s garage door, then throw the car into reverse and take out their fence.
5.) The Christmas pie incident
My younger brother was in pre-school, I was in kindergarten.  It was Christmas day and there was one piece of pie left over from dinner.  It was cherry pie.  My younger brother had saved it… not only saved it, but licked it and made sure he marked his territory.  Later that night he decided to consummate his pie lust- whipped cream and all- might I remind you, this was the last piece of dessert in our entire house, aside from the usual stocking candy.  For some reason my dad was in a bit of a mood and decided to get rid of our Christmas tree post haste- incidentally dragging the tree over the cherry pie right as my brother was abut to chomp on the first bite.  No bites were had, but plenty of tears were and my mother was furious at my dad for “ruining” Christmas for everyone.   
And finally, my all time favorite moment when my mother was pissed off, I call this one
6.) The video: 
For sake of protection for the parties involved (i.e. my younger brother- gosh he is in a lot of these stories- and his friend Nathan), I am going to simplify this story.. you’ll get the idea.
-This is from the perspective of my friend Kristin and I while watching the incident at a safe distance at the park across the field from our house:
1. Mom Comes Home- Kristin and I see van slowly pulling up the long drive way to our house, we have no time to reach the parties (my 10 year old brother and his friend) inside the house before she gets there first.
2. Mom enters house
3. Moments later, mom leaves the house carrying video
4. Mom steps on video…. over, and over, and over again
5. Mom throws said video in our dumpster
6. Nathan begs my mom not to tell his mom
7. Van drives rapidly away from house- where to?  I do not know.