Archive for the ‘Crushes’ Category

D-Baggin’ It

May 31, 2009

Addendum:  I have removed a few names… but left spaces… you know, just in case I need to replace those names again.

Dear (any name from the following list)  you are dead to me.  You know why.  Love Love Love Love Love.. Love Love, more than I could even love a baby kitten, love,

~Me.

Andrew
Anthony
Blake
Brad
Bradley 
Brian
Bobby
Chris
Christopher
Conrad
Craig
Craig II
Danny
Daniel
Dave
Drew 
Jacob
James
Jarrod 
Jax
Jeremy 
Jim
Joe
John
Jon
Jordan
Josh
Joshua
Joseph 
Justin
Kevin
Marvin
Michael
Nathan
Richard
Ryan
Steve
William 
Zach
If your name is on this list, yes, there is a possibility it isn’t you…. but it might be.  However, if your name is, oh, I don’t know, something odd like, let’s say, Jax, it is probably safe to say it is, in fact, you.  
For questions or possible typographical errors, please submit them to the following: whitney whitworth c/o whtnay@gmail.com.  Subject line should read, as in reference to the title, “Douche Bag” followed by your name.  Please see the following examples:

or




And no, I did not have to make out with you for you to be on this list… but it probably helped.
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Attraction Oddities

May 19, 2009

Instead of listing for you everyone I have ever had a crush on (as the list would go on and on and on and on…. and on…), I have prepared, instead, a list of Celebrities that I am attracted to that I really shouldn’t be.  Embarrassing?  But of course.  Pass as much judgement as you must, but everyone has their oddities.  Again, these are not those I have the biggest crushes on, just those I am most embarrassed about.

David Cross- Balding?  Yes.  Short?  Certainly.  Much older than I am?  Boy, is he ever. Sometimes we choose not who we love.
Rod Sterling- Considering he died 11 years before I was even born… I probably shouldn’t be attracted to him, but I am.  What a dream boat, and such a gentleman too!

Likewise, I also have it bad for Jimmy Stewart- Heartthrob without an actual throbbing heart.  Two in a row.  Chaching.
Alan Rickman– Oh Alan Rickman, mine heart beat still.  Is it the dull drumming of your voice that calls my soul?  Alas, I must comply and let the monotony of your voice lull me to sleep.  
 
Franklin Pierce- I think I have already covered this once before.  If he was more than a mere oil painting, I’m sure more people would recognize this.  Now he’s the type of dead president I could use on my money.  
Steve Martin- When I was younger, I used to picture Santa Clause a lot like Steve Martin, only if Steve Martin were pregnant.  I don’t know the significance between the two or how they are correlated, but there must be some connection.
Steve Wiebe– For those who do not know, Steve Wiebe is the subject of a documentary called King of Kong: Fist Full of Quarters.  And that is precisely what makes Steve unique to this list.  But how could one not, after watching his heroic endeavors against the slimy Billy Mitchell?
Iron Chef Marimoto– No one knows…. no one knows.  
Oh, and I forgot Alton Brown, man about town.